It’s the Oscars! Again…. In a kind of last minute decision I have decided, as a masochist, to once again Live blog them! This time on a different platform! Nice fresh start, same stale Oscars. Follow along on my 3-5 hour journey to insanity!
4:50pst: Quickly, while I am out of the loop and can’t make great predictions (it feels weird potentially being surprised) here is who I want to win:
- Best Picture:The Power of the Dog
- Best Director: Jane Campion
- Best Actor: Benedict Cumbetbatch
- Best Actress: Penelope Cruz (would not mind either Olivia Coleman or Kristin Stewart though)
- Supporting Actor Kodi Smit-McPhee
- Supporting Actress: Ariana Debose
- Doc: Flee
- Adapted: The Power of the Dog
- Original: Worst Person in the World
- Foreign Language: Drive My Car
There is more but that is what I can rattle off before the show! Talk to everyone in a few!
4:59: Testing live blogging on WordPress. Gotta say those pre-show deals make me angry that they cut all the technical awards. You couldn’t have cut half an hour of red carpet stupidity to honor the cool people who do production design?
5:05: Ok salty Fred begins and we are barely 5 minutes in. I get why we are starting with Beyonce I do but we cut all of the technical awards to do the same stupid original song performances. This is not the Grammys people! Man I am just going to have the same complaints as the last few times I did this aren’t I? I guess some things don’t change…
5:09: Let me be clear Beyonce is wonderful but I am just sad that this is not for movies anymore. If you just talked about movies I still think the same amount of people would watch.
5:15: Monologue was a nice little in and out. I think I just have residual saltiness from earlier but I am already a little dead inside.
5:18: Amy Schumer is on her own and is funny in a kind of strange extended monologue. But I don’t understand this extended monologue thing. Slamming Don’t Look Up fantastic! Just strange that all three of them didn’t get a chance at this spot? Maybe later I hate to give the producers the benefit of the doubt but I will for some reason.
5:24: Supporting Actress time…. First Award is 25 MINUTES INTO THE SHOW! And we had to cut the technical awards. Winner: Ariana Debose! Fantastic this is the right choice! No one saw West Side Story and that is a real shame. It feels like five years ago that movie would have been huge. Really good speech too we are one for one! Amazing what happens when we cut to the chase and give awards!
5:29: Take a drink when I complain about the technical awards I feel like it’s going to happen a fair bit.
5:32: If you have ever read me do one of these you know that I hate those “best picture video packages” and they are back! Again we had to cut the technical awards!
5:34 I love Regina Hall but we have another excruciatingly long bit at the expense of the technical awards. Come on people! This is what your complaining about how the Oscars need to be “mainstream” has done
5:37: Best Sound because for some reason we couldn’t seperate sound mixing and editing… There is a difference folks. This award survived because it has movies people have “heard of” here. Dune wins! I hate the sound in Dune the score blares over everything to the point of detriment. Oh well. The academy doesn’t care about this one we are off an on with the winners. Again we could have done this with the Short Film categories instead of that Regina Hall bit.
5:40: We have a tribute to White Men Can’t Jump for some reason…. This rolls into Cinematography which is honestly a really good field this year. Winner Greig Fraser Dune! Honestly would not be my choice but Dune is very well shot so I shall give it that. Special shout out to Janusz Kaminsky who does special stuff in West Side Story. He would probably be my pick here (although again this is a solid category).
5:45: Correction to earlier I have been shouting out the awards that got cut as the technical awards. It’s an easy short hand I apologize as I know it’s not just technical stuff that got canned.
5:47: Ok so we got Doc short subject. It was clearly recorded earlier. Again I don’t know why we couldn’t have done this live.
5:49: Visual Effects time. It’s kind of a fun visual effect how tall Jacob Elordi is. Winner Dune! Dune is going to clean these up and that’s ok. This is another one I am ok with even though I find the visual aesthetic of Dune to be drab at best. The guys get played off surely because we have to do another BEST ORIGINAL SONG performance later. Never mind it’s because we have to do a JAMES BOND TRIBUTE WHY NOT… SIGH
5:53 WHY DO WE NEED A 60 YEARS OF BOND TRIBUTE PACKAGE???? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
6:00: We don’t talk about how unnecessary these original song performances are.
6:01: Oh yeah We don’t Talk About Bruno was not the song that got nominated from Encanto. Honestly like this song better so solid choice. Does this mean we get We Don’t Talk About Bruno later in the show…. Wonderful…. Again we cut awards for this.
6:04: Animated feature is next. Solid category all things considered. Honestly Flee should win this but won’t. Winner Encanto! Saw this coming. It’s the populist choice. Can’t be too mad I think Flee will win best documentary so it should get its time in the sun.
6:08: Wait the top 5 cheer moments are from all years? Ok this is so strange… Who greenlit this? Also the Zack Snider hive won which is the surest sign that YOUR IDEA DIDN’T WORK! This is the most insane Oscars broadcast I can remember. That one I had to laugh at if we are being honest.
6:11: Am glad we have a commercial break I am reeling from what just happened. We just had the top five stand up and cheer moments which involved no movie that happened before 1999 in which the number one moment was from Zack Snider’s Justice League. You can’t make this stuff up. The Oscars have lost the plot officially.
6:14: The Oscars are not going to become more mainstream for the ways they have handled this. No one cares about James Bond tributes or dumb twitter awards. The reason that the Oscars are less popular is because movies are less popular and there is nothing that the Oscars can do about it. It’s sad but it’s reality.
6:19: A bad add for the museum. I guess they spent a lot of time and money on it so they had to. I have tea but I am still grumpy this tells you where we are at.
6:20: Best supporting actor time! I don’t have a good read on this one maybe I am just a little out of the loop. Winner Troy Kotsur! Now that I think about it this was probably the obvious choice. This is probably a good sign for CODA’s best picture chances. I don’t have too much to say on this one but the speech was very nice so we are two for two on the big awards! Inspiring stuff!
6:28: So from that nice speech we get Chris Evans introducing a Lightyear add. This show man… Fun fact living in Canada, instead of a Lightyear trailer I got a Joe Fresh add! YAY!
6:33: International film is coming up. This is a weirdly disappointing category, no Titane, no Parallel Mothers. Winner Drive My Car! Hey at least the winner is great! Drive My Car is extraordinary and more than worthy of this award. It’s also a film that is still in theaters and I recommend carving out the three hours for it. DO NOT PLAY RYUSUKE HAMAGUCHI OFF STAGE YOU BASTARDS!!! He shut them down atta boy!!! Ryusuke Hamaguchi deserves far more than 20 seconds and that they tried to play him off so unceremoniously was insulting.
6:39: Another best song nominee performance. See previous complaining.
6:43: Apperently on the American broadcast the Ukrain message led directly into a crypto.com. Classy… In Canada we just got a rolex add which is better? Worse? I don’t know. Agree with the folks that said it should have been a red cross add though that seems like a better idea.
6:45: I feel like making the short film video packages shorter than the “here are the best picture nominees” packages are the Oscars producers trolling me.
6:46: Costume Design. Is this on the show solely so they could give Dune more big awards? NO! Winner Jenny Beavan for Cruella! Can’t argue that, Cruella is technically a movie about costume design! This is a nice little speech in which Beavan breaks down her own outfit! Fitting! This show’s best moment’s have been the speeches which makes sense because THIS IS AN AWARD SHOW!
6:51: So it’s We Don’t Talk about Bruno time. Why? Because it’s popular I guess.
6:55: We are almost at the two hour mark. This show has been atrocious minus the actual awards show portion which has actually given us so good speeches. I don’t wish for this to entirely be a dry awards show but man what they have delivered in its stead has been abysmal.
6:59: BTS for no reason… They shout out Will Smith in Alladin for no reason! Great needed that.
7:02: Original Screenplay time! Wait so they give us a Juno tribute but don’t have Diablo Cody present the award? I don’t know guys. Original Screenplay is not a great category this year. I guess Licorice Pizza is the only real winner here. Winner Belfast! Woof. This one is rough guys. Especially since Belfast is a movie that is really let down by its screenplay. That is the first really bad winner of the evening. Big yikes. I wonder if this means this is a best picture shoe in. Yikes.
7:05: Adapted Screenplay time! This category is far stronger and probably a good window into the best picture winner. This will give us a good idea whether or not The Power of the Dog stands a chance to win anything. If the Dune screenplay wins (it won’t) I will cry. Winner Sian Heder CODA! This means CODA wins everything which is a little sad. There is nothing wrong with CODA necessarily it’s just not close to the best film nominated. The Power of the Dog backlash was real! I guess I can only root for Campion at this point. She gives a good speech though! This is just going to be one of those years that the best, most challenging film won’t win.
7:10: THE TWITTER BEST MOVIE OSCAR! Oh my this is rough. The Zach Snyder film wins which means YOUR AWARD DOES NOT WORK!
7:11: Realizing that I have been spelling Snyder wrong the whole broadcast which is the best mistake I could have been making.
7:15: Wait best score was one of the awards cut wow! I hate this show! In other news Dune won! Which is the most egregious award of the night I hate that score a lot. Mostly because it was the only thing I could hear throughout the movie! I love how best Original song is the most important thing ever and Best Score gets relegated to the preshow. It’s like the Oscars don’t care about movies! Shocker!
7:19: Next original song performance. See previous complaints.
7:20: LAST HOUR!!! And I am running out of tea… SEND HELP!
7:24: Editing next it was another cut award. Dune won! Weird. Weirder is editing being cut from the live awards! Again the OSCARS DON’T CARE ABOUT MOVIES!
7:28: What is this bit? What is going on anymore? Why do I care? Should I? Help me? Am done with this show.
7:30: Wait what just happened part 2. Why are Chris Rock and Will Smith working a pro wrestling angle? Help me.
7:31 Documentary time! I am still reeling Chris Rock and Will Smith just worked a pro wrestling angle for no reason. Winner Summer of Soul! Can’t be too sad about that one. Flee does go home empty handed sadly. Summer of Soul is extraordinary though and well worth a watch! Questlove is great here! Again when this is an award show this show is kinda good!
7:36: Look I love the Godfather, you probably love the Godfather but man do we not need this. There are so many better ways to do this. Wait Robert De Niro is not in the Godfather.
7:47: In memorium rant time. I have thought the latest iterations of the in memorium have focused too much on the musical performance and not enough on the people who passed. I will give this year a plus for people coming out and giving a small speech on the bigger ones. But I still feel like the In Memorium should just be about the people who passed and nothing more. But this is me being grumpy.
7:50: This show is the worst Oscars I have seen. That bar is low too. The Oscars no matter how wretched always felt like the did at least celebrate the movies. They may get things wrong but at least they were about celebrating a beautiful artform that I love dearly. Tonight is an embarrassment of grand magnitude.
7:55: Best Original Song! The Main event! I hate this show. Winner No Time to Die! Good choice Billie Eilish fits the bond esthetic well and the song is really good! I hate that this award is front and center on the show but at least the right song won.
7:59: Big Kev Cosner! Director time! I hope Jane Campion gets something here otherwise I might just throw the baby out with the bathwater. Winner Jane Campion! YAY FINALLY! Thank god this does not go empty handed. CODA will win best picture but this is the real award in my opinion. The Power of the Dog is the best film of the year and I am glad Campion got this award.
8:08: So we are getting a pulp fiction reunion for what reason? I don’t know either. Maybe best actor is more important? Maybe just focus on that please?
8:09: Best actor time! Or a Pulp Fiction tribute hard to tell. This is a week category I am not going to lie. In reality this should just be Cumberbatch running away with this but it’s not going to be. They just show them yelling in the clips, makes sense people think acting is yelling. Winner Will Smith! Well. This show is an embarrassment. Will is getting emotional about protecting people. Dude this would have been a great speech if you didn’t just punch Chris Rock. And Production Screw Ups! This show! He did apologize… to the academy and other nominees. This is the weirdest thing that could have happened.
8:21: All weirdness aside giving Will Smith that award was the wrong choice to begin with as his is the 4th or 5th best performance of that bunch. Although that doesn’t matter so much any more.
8:24: This show is so deeply terrible I am having trouble focusing. I just want it to be over.
8:29: Best Actress time! Strong category although I think there are three great performances here and nothing else. Winner Jessica Chastain! Boo. That was expected but boo. I don’t have much to say here. End this show please. Jessica Chastain is a good actress and deserves good rolls but man why here why now. Her speech is very good though which makes us almost perfect for great speeches on this show. Again the awards portion of this show however flawed the winners may be has been good please focus on that in the future.
8:34: Liza!!! That’s nice. Nice to see Liza. Best Picture Time! You know if you put film snippets here it would be more impactful. Winner CODA! Eh what you gonna do. After it won adapted screenplay it was a sure thing. At least Jane Campion won for director.
8:39: Well there you have it after three and a half grueling hours this show is finally over. I have so much to say about this horror show but for now I need a break. Time to make dinner and better life choices! Thanks for anyone who took the time to read anything!
Fin.
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